04162022 – “Waiting” – Holy Saturday
No one knew exactly “how to act,” “what to do,” “what to say.”
This was “all new territory.”
Everything was “unchartered.”
There were “no manuals” for any of this.
Feelings and emotions were “very intense.” Raw. Uncensored. Colliding. Changing constantly.
Discord was everywhere.
They knew what they felt, or at least “some of what they felt,” but the situation was “without precedent,” so they also had feelings they would need SOME TIME to figure out and to understand later. Much later.
So while they were trying to figure out “what to do” and “what to say,” and “how to feel” – other than terrible, troubled, marose, panicked, anxious, wondering, confused, and worried…
They just looked past one another, gaized at nothing, saw nothing, heard nothing. Sensed nothing.
The room was filled with nothingness.
They were lost, all of them. Lost in thoughts, lost, and alarmed, and horrified. Dazed.
All they knew, they were “stuck.” There was no place to go. There was no place they could go. It was the Sabbath day. No work could be done. They could not go out. They could not stay in. Stuck.
They remained stationary. Passive. Scared. Alone, in a room full of people.
Locked in one place, that was way too small. Clausterphobic. Tight. No air. Little movement. Little motion. Sweaty.
Some of them were cowering in fear, frightened by the prospects. What prospects? No one knows…
Others wandered around aimlessly, back and forth and could not be seated. They could not stop. They felt compelled into motion. Motion without meaning.
Others held their tight chests, as if, the air was being sucked out of their lungs. You could not catch your breath. Breathing was anything but natural…anything but normal.
This now, apparently was normal.
Cold sweats were breaking out on others who were just beginning to realize the possible danger they were all in.
The air itself felt uneasy. Stifled. Hot.
Everyone seemed to be individually and corporately having a hard time.
It was again, as if, intrusive, unwanted, irrational, repetitive, bizarre, and crazy thoughts, were circulating from one person to the next…to the next. It was contagious.
They would wait.
Wait for what? No one knew.
They would wait for the Sabbath to be over.
What then? No one knew.
They would bide, hold on, stay, and remain in place. Only because there was no place to go. Hesitance, indecision, wavering thoughts were contagious, as well. They all decided to stay. To wait. To watch. But for God only knows what.
Some ate. Some could not and would not eat. Some could keep nothing down.
Nothing was normal and everything was bizarre.
Jesus, their rabbi, their teacher was dead. Some could not even say the word “crucified.” They could not bring themselves to say it. Death on a cross. Death on a tree.
Killed like a common slave. Murdered before the eyes of many like an insurrectionist.
They made an example of him. They wanted him to be visible, to be seen. They were making a statement. This is what happens. THIS could happen to YOU. YOU might be next.
Some saw him die, from a distance. He lowered his head and cried out, as he breathed his last. It was a tortuous death everyone seemed to agree. Uncalled for.
Unnecessary.
A Roman spear, a lance, thrust deep into his side. He was dead. Gone. And so was the movement that he had begun. Hastily, he was thrown down. Hastily he wrapped up. Hastily he was carried away. Hastily he was embalmed and entombed. The Sabbath day was his savior. The Sabbath day and the High Holy Days brought him down from the cross. And then he was gone.
As if, he never existed. Never breathed. Never walked the earth. Never taught. Never spoke. Gone.
And we wait.
And, we hide. Like scared rabbits.
Daunted and horrified we sit, or we stand, or we cover our mouths or cover our eyes. We look away. We look off, as if, looking into the distance…as if, looking at something…
What to do next? Where to go? What to say?
Do we disband? Do we go our separate ways? What do we say? Do we stay in hiding?
Will we ever be free? Will we too be bound and carried away?
Do we continue to speak, or stay silent? Do we talk this thing out? And who is there to lead us and guide us? For now we sit tight. We wait. We stay. We hide.