“Forgive me,”- that is the best way I can think of – for any pastor – anywhere – to start a sermon on “forgiveness.”
“Forgive me!”
Perhaps it is not even “a bad way” to start out “every sermon or meditation.”
Kinga and I were having a discussion this past week around “the proverbial water cooler.”
We were talking about “epitaphs on head stones or grave stones.”
Especially the epitaphs you might find written in “old-historical-cemeteries.”
It was as a result of “that conversation and discussion” – that – I came across this one:
An epitaph in Atlanta, Georgia – that a woman had placed on her “adulterous husband’s tombstone:” Gone, but not forgiven!
Ouch! That is so us! Refusing to forgive, preferring to carry a grudge.
It is so us – to withhold forgiveness or counting the number of times that we forgive someone. Three strikes and you are out!
Someone has written that if “we do not forgive the “other” then – we have already signed “our own death warrant.”
We are stuck. Quite literally, stuck and trapped in time. Because, forgiveness is “that” important…
The truth of the matter is…that when we withhold “our forgiveness” – we do not hurt the perpetrator – who hurt – us – we are instead…only hurting ourselves.
We are the ones who will carry “the burden of our grudge.” And speaking of the burden of grudge bearing…I remember a woman in her late eighties telling me once – that some fifty years earlier her very own aunt had said something to her – and it had hurt her deeply – very deeply.
Those stinging and hurtful words could never be taken back…and she refused to forgive her aunt for “what she had said.”
The aunt was now long since dead…and buried…and still the hurt, the hatred and the grudge lived on…
She carried that hurt for fifty some years and was still carrying it.
Fifty years later and she could still recount “the precise details” of their conversation – as she remembered it to be. As she talked and as she shared the painful event – you could actually feel the bitterness, anguish, anger, hurt and resentment “welling up within her” – all over again. It was – as if – it was happening all over again…some fifty years hence.
Now I don’t know about you – but as far as I am concerned fifty years is a long time to carry something – that could have been talked over and discussed half-a-century-earlier…
Fifty years is a long time to bear and carry a grudge.
The whole incident was never buried, never forgiven, never forgotten, no amends ever made – and it was always kept very close – to the surface of her being.
Sadly, others considered her to be an- old-crotchety-quarrelsome-and-unhappy-old-woman…
Never knowing what secret burdens she carried…all these many, many years…
You know it is so true –we never know what another person has lived through, so it is always best to withhold any and all judgments.
For all intents and purposes she was still standing before her aunt – some fifty years later…why? Why would somebody do that to themselves? Why would they chose or prefer to carry that around with them – for all those years?
It was C.S. Lewis who wrote, “Forgiveness is a very lovely idea—that is—until —there is something to forgive!”
And, I would venture to say that “most people” are “in favor of forgiveness,” at least, in principle. Forgiveness is a good thing. It is a blessing. Forgiveness is always an option.
Forgiveness does not mean forgetting, condoning or approving of – what was done. Nor does it mean that we ignore or excuse any cruelty or injustice that was done.
But it does mean that we are released from the grip…that would hold us back.
The Greek word “to forgive” – actually means to “let go of.”
Forgiveness is a decision “to accept” what you cannot change…so that the past no longer has power over you…
When you do not forgive – you are holding yourself “captive” to a past negative event. Forgiveness offers the freedom to let the past go – and to walk with greater certainty into the future.
Anyway you look at it, fifty years is a long time to hurt and hate…and to carry it around with you…especially when you have the power to release it – and set it all free. Remember to forgive yourself!